About a year and one month ago I wrote the following post called "Letting it Go":
A little while back and I really can't put my finger on when it happened, but I noticed my friend wasn't responding to me like she had in the past. I had e-mailed her a letter, sent her a text, personal messaged her on Facebook and also called her. No response.
After a running race and seeing her in person, I knew something wasn't right.That night I wrote her a long e-mail and asked her what was wrong. Asked what I had done to upset her.No response.
So to see what was going on, I did what I would expect a friend to do for me. I drove to her home to talk to her in person, since that is the only real way things can be talked out appropriately.
She was cold, distant and very hurtful. She talked to me, but I knew something wasn't right by the way she was talking to me. Why she couldn't just tell me what was wrong when I was there in person, I just don't understand. So knowing now that she lied straight to my face that night is also upsetting.
I left that night crying. I just couldn't figure out what I had done to upset her so much.
Her wedding was coming up quickly (like in just a couple weeks). I had the honor of being her Matron of honor. At least I felt it was an honor, but over the last few months I felt like she would rather not talk to me when given the chance and the few weeks leading up to her wedding, I felt like anything but a friend. She was acting like I was the last person she wanted to see or be around. So unfortunately the wedding was quickly turning into something I was dreading.
I finally wrote a last ditch effort letter to hopefully "save the friendship".
In the letter I told her that I was truly sorry for whatever I said or did that hurt her so much. I told her I honestly couldn't remember what I did or said. I asked for her forgiveness. I then said, "If you don't want me to be in your wedding, I understand, just let me know."
I received a one line response that said "I want you in my wedding, the rest we will talk about after."
So I did the right thing and I didn't back out on the wedding. I went to the rehearsal at the church. She never spoke to me the entire time. I showed up at the rehearsal dinner. Again she didn't talk to me the entire time. I showed up at the wedding the next day. She only spoke to me in quick short answers if I asked her a question first that needed to be addressed. I felt the entire day that I shouldn't be there. Looking back, I should have saved myself the grief and not let myself be walked on and not showed up.
However I did feel that since I had said I'd be there and the programs were printed, that I would be there.
After the wedding was over a few days later I wrote her a quick e-mail and asked her when she had time could she please tell me what I did.
Another week went by. No response.
My husband was kind enough to try and talk to her. He met her at the running club and saw her in person. She said Hi to him, but as soon as he mentioned my name and told her that she should talk to me, her demeanor quickly changed and she was distant. She told Jason she'd call me.
She never did call me, she never texted me, she never e-mailed me, she never made any attempt whatsoever to talk to me at all and she had opportunity. Plenty of them. She broke a promise to me and to my husband.
Today after praying yet again to Heavenly Father to soften her heart and tell me what was wrong, I had the distinct impression to just go for a run. I took my dog Abby and left for a run. It was a great run and while doing so did some thinking.
I had to just let her go. Our friendship has meant a lot, but apparently it just means a lot to me.
So when I got home from my run, I realized that I didn't care anymore if she ever told me what was wrong. I don't care if I see her again. I finally was able to let things go.
Now I feel absolutely SO MUCH BETTER. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me.
Maybe someday things will change, but as my husband, my Mom and another good friend said to me "Michelle you have done all you can do, you have said you are sorry multiple times and you have asked for her forgiveness, she obviously doesn't want to repair the friendship."
It's a bummer that life works out this way. I really thought I'd never have to deal with something like this after high school. The weirdest thing about all this is we were really good friends. It's all very sad too, but there is obviously a lesson to be learned and I feel that is this: Sometimes you just have to let some friendships go.
Here is a quote I really like:
Surround yourself with people who make you happy. People who make you laugh, who help you when you're in need. People who would never take advantage of you. People who genuinely care. They are the ones worth keeping in your life. Everyone else is just passing through.--Author Unknown.
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One of my 3 friends in this group asked me to remove my blog post. I thought she meant this one and I was confused because I didn't see this post as bad or wrong in any way, so I didn't remove it at first. I was telling my story of what happened. My personal feelings without mentioning anyone's name. But this girl meant another blog post I had written that said something like this: That I wished I hadn't thrown the bride the bridal shower and she didn't deserve it and I was never thanked for it. I had truly forgotten that I wrote that post. I only wrote that one because I was so hurt by the bride and her actions up to this point and how she hadn't even thanked me for the bridal shower or anything. I had spent so much money on that bridal shower, with absolutely no help from the other bridesmaids and then so much money on the dress (that I'd never wear again), the shoes and her present and she never thanked me for any of it. To this day 1 year and 2 months later I still have not received a thank you note of any type.
I ended up removing that bridal shower blog post and then I removed this letting go post as well, even though I didn't feel then and still don't feel now that there is anything wrong with this "letting go" post (which is why it's back). (It's just the true story of what happened). Either way, both posts were removed at that time. However that didn't stop this "Friend of the bride and me" from telling me by e-mail that she no longer wanted to be friends with me anymore, not to contact her ever again, and then she blocked me from Facebook.
Really? How immature. This original post (as shown above) only tells what happened. I apologized WAY more than I should have for "Whatever" it was I supposedly did that I was never told about.
Then I decided after that, that things needed to change, there were people that I had been friends with that hadn't acted like a friend over the last few months. I ended up ending the relationship with 2 more people that were all in on this drama. I didn't like how they talked about people behind their backs and the dirty talk they always used. How they treated me like garbage and then all the things I heard about me and my family from others that knew them that told me.
Because I don't need crap like this in my life I told those girls I was done. That was last August. It's now been almost a year. What a great year it has been without drama, and I'm glad I don't have to deal with "trying to make anyone happy anymore. I don't have to worry about what they think or talking on the phone when I don't want to talk, or expected to "like" their posts, when I didn't want to." One of the girls of us 4 actually said that. Come on people that is for High School. Grow up.
I am a very busy Mom of 6 children. I work full time and teach aerobics classes on top of that and donate plasma twice a week and train for triathlons and a marathon and have a church calling (job) with the youth. I don't have time for "friends" to be wining that I wasn't paying enough attention to them.
I have time for my family first and just because there were times I was invited to do things with other friends, didn't make me like them any less, but they seemed to be offended by me spending time with other people besides them. Once I did a race with some new girls I had met where I teach and my "friend" got all upset that I didn't do a race with her. It's this kind of stuff going on that I don't have to deal with anymore that is so great.
Now I have friends that like me for me. I have a friend from 2nd grade that I still keep in contact with and I just love her. We keep in contact by face book and see each other every once in a long while and we still care. I have a friend from Idaho that I have been friends with for over 16 years that I love very much as well and we can go a week without e-mailing and we still both know that we are there for each other. Neither one complains. I have friends here in Iowa that care about me and don't expect me to change for them, or spend every weekend with them. My husband is my best friend and loves to run races with me and go places with me and I truly enjoy his company. He is the only one that can complain if I don't spend enough time with him. I love him so much. My family means more to me than anyone. I have to put them first. Your family is who should mean the most to you. Friends, as great as they are, still need to come second and when they are pushing you to put them first, then that's when things have to change. I can't get that day back of the wedding. I can't get many days back that I spent with those girls, but I have learned a great deal and I'm glad for those lessons learned, as hard as they might have seemed then.
So the blog post is back and the story is out. I never did find out what it was that made the bride so upset with me. But, who cares? She doesn't, so I don't need to. I tried, she didn't. I was there for her, she wasn't there for me. You can only try so much when then you just have to say, "hey forget it, there are many other friends out there that don't treat you like garbage and are the most awesome people around, those are the people I want to share my life with."
