So very Sad

I am just so sad today. I’m having a really hard time functioning at work and getting anything accomplished so I thought I’d write out how I’m feeling.


I miss Caleb something terrible and my heart just hurts so badly. I know he is doing what’s right. I know he made his own decision and it’s the right thing to do and I know I should feel so incredibly blessed that he is doing such a good thing by going on a mission, but I can’t help how so horrible I feel inside. I am just hurting and can’t stop crying at the littlest things. Each day I peek in his room just to see if he might be there sleeping, which is usually how I found him each morning. Each day I see his car at the house and for a moment think he is home. I can’t go through two years of this sadness. Does it get better? I hope so. It has to. I am grateful he is alive. I feel badly for anyone who has lost a child to death and has to wait until the resurrection to see them again. I feel like this is forever, I feel like I won’t see him again and anyone that says that two years will go fast and I’ll see him soon doesn’t really know that. What if he is taken from me and the last memory I have of him is seeing him off at the airport?

I’m overwhelmed at work, at home, at bills, at everything and I just want to feel better. The laundry is piled up and so are the dishes and I have lazy teenagers who have to be threatened at groundings just to do their jobs so instead of fighting with them it’s just getting horrible at home this week and it’s only Tuesday. I can’t imagine what Saturday will look like if this laziness continues.

I know if I could just go out for a run I’d feel some peace and comfort and able to deal with my pain right now a little better, however I have a sprained ankle so I have to R-I-C-E it right now and that is making it so I can’t do any hard impact working out.

I just want to feel better and stop crying.

Caleb leaving on his mission.

Ever since Caleb was little he has wanted to go on a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.   See more here if you want to read about our church.   When Caleb was about to turn 19 he got all the necessary papers filled out, dental and doctor appointment and then sent his mission papers off to Salt Lake City. About two weeks later a special letter came in the mail that would tell Caleb where he would be called on his mission.  He was called the Anaheim, California mission, English Speaking.  However it did say in the letter that if needed he would be taught Spanish while there.  His date to enter the Missionary Training Center was October 24th, which at the time was 6 weeks away and seemed like forever to him.   Here are a few pictures of Caleb before he started his two year journey.

Almost a week before his mission we went to the Nauvoo temple
in Illinois with Caleb.  It was a windy cold day, but the temple
was amazing and beautiful inside.

Another picture of all of us just before going inside the temple.

Caleb and me at the Cedar Rapids airport just before
Caleb went through security.

Jason, Caleb and I posing for one of the last pictures we will have
with Caleb for two years.

You might think we look pretty strong and hadn't cried yet,
but right after this picture I felt like my heart had broken.

One last picture of Caleb.

Caleb then went to Salt Lake City, Utah where many members
of Jason's family were waiting to take him to dinner.  I don't think
Caleb realized so many would be there to greet him.

Caleb excited to see everyone.

Caleb and Kaitlyn.

Caleb and Gillian

The next morning Caleb got
his nice new suit on and prepared to
go to the Missionary Training Center.
Kaitlyn and Caleb posed for a picture.
He is so tall.

Pictures at the Provo, Temple in Provo, Utah.

Right before going inside the MTC.  Caleb is shown here
with his Clark Grandparents.

And he's off.   Have a great two years Caleb.

More pictures from Ohio

Here are more pictures. This time with Jan's awesome camera. She brought her tripod which was great so she could put her camera on delay and take pictures without having to bug a stranger to take our pictures. I'm glad we all came together even if it was only for a couple hours. These pictures are awesome. Not sure why I'm wearing shorts.  I wasn't even thinking. 




It all started because of these two people who met in high school and fell in love.



All of us at once.  A rare, but awesome thing.

Another shot of all of us.



My favorite picture.  Look at Clara, she is adorable!

Matt and Vanessa with their children.



Warren and Jan and their children



My family.  They are all smiling and I'm not sure how that happened.

My parents with all of their grandchildren.



Another picture with all the grandchildren.





Mom, Jan, Matt, Me and Dad



My brother, sister and I