So much has happened in the last 12 months. Here's my side and why the blog stays.
Jason and I divorced. That's the short story. Why? For many reasons. Some I will mention here.
1. Communication. Jason and I lacked communication badly. We tried, but not well. Many times I'd just go to bed early because he was watching Netflix again or studying a seminary lesson for the hundreth time. I felt very ignored. I wanted to talk and mentioned that a lot. He would say, we can talk later. Now had we communicated better would we still be married? Possibly. Communication in a marriage is extremely important. I wanted to talk to him so much, but Netflix and the church came first.
2. The church came before family. His seminary calling took him away so much. I hated it.
3. No counseling when it was necessary.
I asked him for counceling on and off through the years, and later on I begged him to get counseling with me. He refused. His words, "there is nothing wrong with our marriage". It wasn't until we seperated that he said, "Let's get counseling"
4. Most of his family couldn't stand me. Seriously this is not made up. I felt such hatred from a couple of his sisters and a few others in the family. They talked behind my back and were very hurtful. One quote that got back to me was this, "I never liked her from the beginning." Another quote "She was just a different person, never seemed happy." Another comment said 4 months before the divorce, "You will be better off without her in your life."
I felt from the very beginning of the marriage that most of Jason's family didn't care for me.
Why? I didn't understand for many years. Then through counseling I totally put it all together.
I am someone that speaks up when I feel something isn't right.
I speak my mind with a lot of things. A couple of his sisters tend to take offense easily. People who speak their mind in a family are often viewed as "the black sheep", "the outsider". If people don't forgive easily or take offense easily then you will be the outsider of the family.
Jason and I were the first children married and as such parents aren't always ready to let go of their child and judge their spouse more harshly than other spouses. I witnessed that a lot.
We were the first in the family to have grandchildren and when a Mom isn't ready to be a grandmother then harsh words happen, criticisms happen and the relationship is unfortunately strained.
I don't take crap from people. I won't be walked on. This can be offensive to some when you "fight back".
I asked lots of questions about things I didn't understand in the church. In the Mormon church you are supposed to follow blindly and believe that every thing is true that the church teaches.
I set extremely crazy goals and achieve them which can cause jealously.
I did really well in a home business for 13 years.
I am pretty with great teeth and a decent size nose. Again jealously.
I worked outside the home. When this first happened I received negative comments regarding my decision from a couple members of his family.
I took trips that others only dream of.
I didn't want to be in the room when twenty of them were all there. It was loud. I did not like all the noise. I wanted to be off by myself. However, when you go off by yourself in that family you are questioned if you are ok, sick, depressed, etc. Seriously, just wanted to be away from the noise.
One person in the x-family never apologized to me for a couple serious things they did to our family, and to this day denies any wrong in one of them.
His family all except for a couple people were more than happy about the divorce. Seriously what kind of screwed up people celebrate people getting a divorce?
A couple of his sisters had nasty things to say about me. This was hurtful but not the first time it's happened in that family so sadly I was used to it.
Unfortunately I have so many other examples of unkind things that happened from his family. Luckily for me I don't have to spend any time with them anymore. I was accused of sending many unkind emails over the years. Many times it was just acting out on the way I was treated. I should have reviewed letters before sending and tried more to talk things out with them. However, the communication both ways was never there.
5. The Mormon church. I believe some of it is true. However, I had many questions that I asked that no one (Bishop, Stake President, my own husband, temple workers) could answer. Here is just a handful of questions:
A. If the 1830 Book of Mormon was inspired than why were there so many errors and changes and additions and deletions, when compared to current edditions?
B. Why was Joseph Smith still preaching against polygamy in October 1843 after he got his revelation in July 1843 commanding the practice of polygamy. (Doctrine and Covenants 132 and History of the church Vol. 6 page 46 or Teachings of the Prophet page 324
C. Why can men be married in the temple to more than one Woman but Women can't be married to more than one man.
D. If God created all of us, then he created Gay people too. Why exclude them from being able to be married, be a member of the church or have temple blessings? He loves all his children.
More questions here and there are a ton. Why so many? Well this church claims to be true, then how are there so many falsehoods and discrepancies with it?
See these questions:
http://www.bible.ca/mor-questions.htm
And more here:
http://www.towertotruth.net/Mormon/witnessing/50_questions.htm
6. I wasn't happy being scolded every time I did anything on a Sunday that wasn't 100% with what Mormons want you to do on Sunday. I should be able to go on a jog, go to a baby shower, or shop at the store for milk and bread if my children need it for lunches the next day.
I realized that even though Jason and I could stay married, he would never be truly happy with me. I would never be truly happy knowing that I could live a full happy life not married to him. He said it's ok and I want to stay married, but I knew he was unhappy. I wasn't ok faking it anymore, Pretending to be happily married or being in a marriage that I was expected to live all the "Mormon rules".
As it was he found another "Mormon" to marry him within weeks of our divorce. He is happier now.
I over time was falling in love with my best friend, but never acted on any of that until Jason and I were completely done. So people who believe otherwise have judged me unfairly.
Eventually my heart was somewhere else, but so was Jason's heart before the divorce was final as he wrote his girl that he ended up marrying letters upon letters 3 weeks before we were divorced and referred to me as his ex 10 days before the divorce in a letter to her. I have proof.
7. We were married too young and too fast. The Mormon church actually encourages this all the time. Neither of us knew who we were.
8. Lastly, I was unhappy. I have so much joy in my life now it's incredible!
Why the blog stays?
Because it's a journal of the Lewis and Clark's life in mostly pictures. My children's pictures will be featured most of the time with stories of how they are doing for Grandparents and other relatives to see and enjoy. Most of my x-husband's family has unfriended or blocked me entirely so this is a way to share stuff for them to see since Jason rarely puts pictures of the children on facebook.
