Parenting

As a young father, I used to watch families with older children at church.  I wanted to determine what it was that they were doing as a family that led to the eventual success or failure of their children.  We had two families in particular that I watched.  One family had 7 children.  Each one was exactly what I wanted my children to be like.  All the boys were Eagle Scouts, all had served missions, and all had gotten married in the temple.  Their daughters were just a wonderful.  As I interacted with the children they still had at home, I quietly watched to see why their family was so special.  On the other hand, we had another family at church that had almost the exact opposite outcome.  We knew both sets of parents quite well.  Both sets served humbly in the church and in the public eye seemed to be good parents.  I am not sure that I ever made any real conclusions as to why their children turned out the way they did - one set righteous and the other, well, not so righteous (at least when we knew them).  As a young father I badly wanted my children to choose to follow the Lord.  I wanted them all to check off the various things we all do that puts us in the "righteous" category.  In truth, this desire hasn't changed.  I still want my children to earn their Eagle Scout awards or successfully complete their personal progress (in the case of my daughter).  I still want them to serve honorable missions and get married in the temple.  I still want them to develop a deep, personal relationship with the Savior that will help them endure the rocky patches in life.  I think we all want this to be the case for our children.

Life doesn't always turn out the way we plan - at least not yet.  As our children get older, they will begin to make decisions that we, as parents, know are detrimental to their spiritual well-being.  Unfortunately, they don't always see it that way.  The first inclination most parents have is to look at how they have parented that child and wonder what they did wrong.  Oftentimes the answer is nothing.  In spite of our best efforts, our children have their agency.  It is sometimes painful but always necessary.  There is always hope.